mongi's theory of faeries
2002-07-08@6:59 a.m.

My �theory of faeries� first came to be while I was in high school and became completely obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. It occurred to me that there was something a little too ethereal about her beauty, almost as if she wasn�t entirely human. (Plus her ears were practically pointed for God�s sake.) I decided that she could not possibly be human which left me with only one conclusion.

Audrey Hepburn was a Faerie.

An escapee from some magical land come to Earth to torture humanity with a beauty and charm that no mere mortal could possibly possess.

But she is not the only one. Oh, no, Faeries are among us, my friends, wreaking havoc on the world of motion pictures. Yes, its true, most of the Faeries living on Earth today work in the movie industry. Their unhealthy combination of otherworldly beauty and charm makes them the perfect candidates for film stardom.

Take Jude Law for instance (and don't I wish I could.) There�s only so many times you can hear yourself say of him, �He�s too pretty to be human,� before you must admit that you�re right. Another example would be Cate Blanchett. Oh, you thought it was a coincidence that she was cast as the elf Galadriel in Lord of the Rings? Don't make me laugh.

Or perhaps you�re thinking, �Mongi, please, I�ve seen Cate�s ears and they�re not exactly pointy*, how can she be a Faerie?� Well, you haven�t been listening! Pointy ears alone mean nothing. Freddie Prinze, Jr.�s ears are kind of pointy, but we all know he�s not a Faerie. Because he lacks the insane levels of charm that Faeries exhibit (and he's fugly.)

Besides after Audrey made the world aware of their existence don�t you think the rest of the Faeries would be a little more careful? Of course they would, don't forget, Faeries are magical, people!

But what do they want? Why are they here? I have to admit I'm not exactly sure. Perhaps the Academy Award statuettes are made of some element that is of vital importance to their home land. I imagine Peter O'Toole's many nominations and no wins was a conspiracy among Academy members to deny this element to the Faeries; there is no other explanation. Or maybe, just maybe, these expatriates from the land of Faerie love the cinema as much as we do and have come to spread joy to the whole of humanity.

Or maybe they're here to suck out our brains. I dunno, its a toughie.

*In fact, nearly all the elves were played by Faeries using their natural ears. With the notable exception of Liv Tyler who required a prothesis.

< 'twas brillig and the slithy toves - pitiful excuse for an update, but, hey, I'm using AOL >

Name: MsMongi aka Kim
AIM: Lola_N_Slacks

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