the chosen one
2002-08-26@3:08 a.m.

I've finally come to the point where I think that I can write an entry about something terribly personal to me. Something kind of funny, but at the same time completely serious. Not sure how its going to turn out so bear with me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer saved my life.

I used to think it was a load of crap when I'd hear other people talking about how a book or a movie changed their life so it was a huge surprise to me when I came to the above conclusion. The depression started in high school, but it wasn't until college that it reached critical mass. After about a year and a half of drinking, smoking pot, and having sex with people I wouldn't normally even talk to I moved back in with my parents. I was supposed to get a job, but its hard to do that when you require 14 hours of sleep a night, or in my case, a day. My sleep schedule was insane. I'd wake up sometime in the afternoon or evening and go to sleep only after I'd been up so long that I was sure to drop off in the first fifteen minutes. I was terrified of the time before I fell asleep, unless I was completely drained my mind would run in endless circles of self doubt and self hatred. When I was at my very worst so was my sleep schedule so the only time I was guaranteed to be awake was from anytime after midnight to anytime before dawn. Through an odd quirk of fate this also happened to be about the time our Fox affiliate ran the new episodes of Buffy (the town where we were living didn't have a WB affiliate.)

I'd seen the show before. I'd even had a friend in college who was obsessed with it so I'd actually seen a great deal of season three. But season four was the first I saw from start to finish. And I fell in love. Every week I'd tune in at four o'clock in the morning to see what the Scoobies were up to. At a time when I'd begun to feel that I didn't really have anything to live for at least I had Buffy and the gang. Eventually I started seeking out fellow fans on the internet so not only did I have a weekly date with a television show, but now I had a support group as well.

Maybe its just another form of self medication like the drinks and drugs before it, but its definitely healthier. And most of the time its a lot more fun too. (And isn't that the most sickly sweet sentence I've ever written.)

< its called filler. deal with it. - sit the fuck down, fayetteville! >

Name: MsMongi aka Kim
AIM: Lola_N_Slacks

Too Pink? Bite me.

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